You hand over the phone….. and two weeks later you don’t know how to set a limit without it turning into a row.
Because now any rule you set looks like a punishment. Something you’re taking away.
A phone contract fixes exactly that: the rules are agreed beforehand, not in the middle of the anger. And they stop being your opinion against theirs and become something you both signed.
The ready-to-copy template is below. But first, four things that decide whether a contract works or becomes a piece of paper in a drawer.
Four rules so it doesn’t end up in the drawer
It’s negotiated, not imposed
If you hand it over written and signed by you, it isn’t a contract: it’s a list of rules with a different name. And they’ll break it just the same.
Sit down and decide together. Let them propose things. Let them argue about some. What they helped write, they defend.
Specific, never general
“Use your phone responsibly” means nothing. Everyone understands something different by it.
“The phone stays in the kitchen at 10:30pm” does mean something. It’s either kept or it isn’t, and there’s no debate.
Consequences written down from the start
If they aren’t written down, you invent them in the heat of the moment. And in the heat of the moment they’re always disproportionate: “a month without your phone”, shouted, and never actually enforced.
Write them beforehand, calmly, and make them small and enforceable.
It binds you too
This is the part almost nobody includes….. and the one that gives the paper its weight.
If you check your phone at the table while telling them not to, the contract is worth nothing. Your rules go in it too.
The template
Copy it, remove what doesn’t fit and change the times to yours. It’s written for ages 12-16.
Phone use agreement
Between ________________ and ________________
Date: ____________
This phone is a tool we’re lending you because we trust you. These rules exist so it stays a good thing in your life, not to annoy you.
Times
- On weekdays, the phone stays in ______________ (shared space) at ______.
- At weekends, at ______.
- It isn’t used during meals. Nor by me.
- It isn’t used while studying: it stays in another room.
Where yes and where no
- The phone doesn’t sleep in your bedroom.
- At other people’s houses, their rules apply.
- When we’re doing something together, we both put them down.
Safety
- I don’t accept or talk to people I don’t know in person.
- I don’t share my address, my school or where I am at any given moment.
- I don’t send photos of myself to anyone I don’t know. And if somebody asks for them, I say so at home.
- If something happens that makes me uncomfortable or scared, I say so. And I don’t get told off for saying it.
Respect
- I don’t write anything I wouldn’t say to someone’s face.
- I don’t share photos or videos of other people without their permission.
- If I see someone being picked on, I don’t forward it and I say something.
Money
- I don’t buy anything inside apps or games without asking first.
- If I break the phone through carelessness, I contribute to the repair with ______________.
What I commit to (parent)
- I don’t read your private conversations as long as you keep to what we agreed.
- I tell you beforehand if I need to check something, and I explain why.
- I also put my phone down at meals and at the agreed time.
- If you tell me about a problem, I listen first. I don’t take your phone away for having told me.
If something isn’t kept to
- First time: we talk about it and put it right.
- Second time: that day the phone goes out from ______ onwards.
- If it keeps happening: we review this agreement together and adjust what needs adjusting.
We review this agreement every ______ months, because you’re growing and the rules have to grow too.
Signed: ________________ Signed: ________________
Where it nearly always breaks
The times.
Because you aren’t standing there at 10:30pm every day of your life. And policing it becomes a job….. one you have to do grudgingly, on top of everything else.
It helps if the limit doesn’t depend on you remembering it. You can lean on the iPhone’s parental controls so it applies itself.
And if you notice the problem isn’t the schedule but the sheer number of hours, there’s another route: making the apps something they earn.
And if they refuse to sign it
It happens. Especially if they’ve had the phone without rules for a while.
Don’t turn it into a standoff. Start with one thing only: the phone sleeping outside the bedroom, which is the one that shows up most in their rest and their mood.
Once that’s settled, propose the rest.
Because in the end this isn’t about controlling more….. it’s about arguing less.
Let them earn it by moving
Nitor Fit locks the apps that hook them and unlocks them with exercise. The app sets the limit, not you.
